“It is hard to give up an illusion, especially the illusion of goodness and safety. The person unwilling to part with his illusions will never be fit to stand in the presence of God. God will allow them to live with their hollow and fragile egos and to find such rewards as their illusions offer, but He will not allow them to see Him” –Rich Mullins
From time to time I ask myself what are the illusions I cling to? The illusion of my own goodness is the one I think I struggle with often--Wanting so desperately to believe I am worthy of the the scandelous grace God showers upon me. I sometimes manage to lull myself into believing the lie that I have done enough to make God love me. It's not until a situation arises that blatently exposes my inadequecies that I am reminded again of my desperate need of God's sufficient grace. Actually, usually I freak out a bit, have an internal meltdown, and hide myself away for a bit before I rest once again in the sweet promise of His love. The bad thing about living on a ship is that there are limited places I can hide myself away from other people. The good thing about living on a ship is the wonderful friends who don't let me hide myself away for very long. Since returning to Monrovia and the ship I have been struggling a great deal with feelings of inadequecies...like the challenges are just too many and my abilities are too small. The truth of the matter is that the challenges are too big and my ability is too small. I should just embrace this reality and move on...celebrate God's bigness and delight in the small task God has given me to do. So why this constant struggle?
I have arrived back to Monrovia amidst a whirlwind of shifting and lifting as 350 crew move house from the soon to be retired M/V Anastasis (old ship) to the shiny new M/V Africa Mercy (new ship) that sparkles in the afternoon sun (ok so that is a little bit of an exageration...but the crew is pretty excited). If you want to see some news clips check out the main Mercy Ships website www.mercyships.org . When the homepage comes up click on the little icon of the American flag, unless of course you speak German or Dutch or some other language then you can click on whatever flag you want. I was away when the new ship arrived but I did arrive in plenty of time to help move boxes...lots of them. It's rainy season right now but thankfully it's mostly rained at night which has allowed us to finish moving ships.
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"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus" Phil 1:6
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- Nicole Austin
- One of my all time favorite quotes are the words of Jim Elliot, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." I just have to say I think the creator of the Jelly Belly is a genius and I would like to shake his hand in appreciation for all 431 flavors he has created.And, I do not believe in astrolgoical signs but I seem to have no choice in it being posted on this website.
2 comments:
Ecclesiastes 1:18
For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.
It seems that God breaths life into us and puts us into a world which conditions us. It is through other members of His kingdom and through the trials that we face that we gain wisdom and wholeness.
It is true that God often uses us in ways that expose weaknesses in us, so that He is glorified and so that we learn to depend on other parts of the body of Christ (Romans 12).
James says that we should consider it a joy when we face trials and that testing of our faith develops perseverance, maturity and completeness.
You’re very brave to share in such a personal way your experiences of a life in constant change. Take heart sister! It’s a very intense environment that you have chosen to live and work in, which exposes us in many ways. Take time out and allow God renew your heart and to reveal outlets so that you can complete the tasks he has given you.
Take Care,
Nev
Nic, It is for Him to be greater and greater and we get smaller and smaller. He is the King and He gets all the glory...Its great to be allowed to take a share in the great feasts that He holds, you know? It is such an honor. Its wonderful to be allowed to be given eyes to see His work, his grace. He provides for everyone, for the little flowers and for the ravens. He is just that great, despite who we are. Think how many people dont know! So many people have things to be thankful for but they dont know who to think for..its horrible when you want to dance but you dont know for whom! When you want to give thanks, but you dont know who to give thanks for!
Give your dances to Him, with everything they have.
He is worthy of all praise! He has to be at the centre of all. Someone pointed out to be me that the beatitudes are only complete in His presence, for away from Him, we realize how short we fall. We are not alone..we cannot be alone.
love you, nis
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